I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
