My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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