i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i drank out of a bidet.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
