Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
