did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
