It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
