a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
