Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
