Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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