he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
