The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
