I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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