Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
