DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
