If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
