The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
