I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
