go do what you do best...puke behind churches
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
