she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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