Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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