During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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