Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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