I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
