Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
