I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
