great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
