You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
