how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
