some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
