hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
