Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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