So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
