so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
