party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
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Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
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The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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