it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
