You made me cry and you don't even care
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I've blown a few things in my day
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
