Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
