BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
