I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
