Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
PANTIES FOUND
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