i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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