It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
