I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
