i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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