So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
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Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
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A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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