3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it was like eating out sand paper
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
