haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
