We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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