Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
