I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
