You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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