i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
