Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
