May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
