So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I intend to get homeless drunk
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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