I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
