i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
