i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
