Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
