The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize