you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
