I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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