You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
