I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
