i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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