i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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