i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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