Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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