Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She needs sedatives and a leash
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
