I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
