This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
