She announced her abortion via fbk
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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