I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
