this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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