I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
