If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
