i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
