I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
